IN THE BEGINNING, THERE WAS A SLEW OF PRIMORDIAL OOZE THAT WASHED UP ON THE GREAT ROCK OF TITI ISLAND, KILLING ALMOST ALL LIFEFORMS—EXCEPT FOR FOUR AMEBIC BEINGS THAT SLITHERED OUT OF THE OCEAN. DECADES PASSED. THEY GREW HANDS, FEET, AND CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEMS, AND MADE RAUCOUS NOISE. IN A CAVE THEY WORKED BOTH NIGHT AND DAY CREATING A SOUND THAT COULD BE HEARD FROM NEIGHBORING ISLANDS.

ONE DAY AN ENTERPRISING BUSINESSMAN BOARDED HIS DINGY AND CROSSED THE OCEAN WITH SEVERAL PORTERS WHO UNFORTUNATELY AND MYSTERIOUSLY PASSED DURING TRANSIT. THE LONE BUSINESSMAN, WASHED ASHORE AND GASPING FOR BREATH, WAS LURED BY THE CLANGS AND CRASHES OF THE FURIOUS RHYTHMIC CREATURES ALL THE WAY TO THE MOUTH OF THE CAVE. HIS INSTINCTS WERE OVERCOME BY THEIR TANTRIC NOISEMAKING AND HE BEGAN TO SCREECH. THE CREATURES GAVE HIM THE NAME BAZUNGA AND INVITED HIM TO JOIN THEIR TRIBE.

IT WAS ON THIS DAY IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2025 A.D. THAT THE GREATEST GARAGE ROCK BAND THE WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN WAS BORN.